Recently, I was in San Antonio TX. Liked the city set up...a nice river with crappy restaurants, deadly heat and humidity, 100% potential for sunburned skin...
Anyway...after 2 days of bad tex mex, I decided to venture off without my group for a solo fine dining (if I could find it) experience.
I was directed to a place on the riverwalk that was supposed to be awesome (everyone gave us bad suggestions on where to eat), but this place had a 2 hour wait for a single person and no bar dining...so it had to be good. Anyway, I couldn't wait that long so I was directed to their "sister restaurant" around the block. I really wanted steak and it was not on the menu, so I left...but before doing so, I asked the nice waitress where to get good steak and she directed me to this awesome steakhouse which was not a chain.
I get to the steakhouse and it was an house wait at the downstairs bar to even sit at the upstairs bar haha! I should've just stayed at the original place...but NO. So I am sitting at the downstairs bar, chatting with the barkeep, they get me some delicious drinks, pork sliders which were "off" menu, and candied jalapenos with cream cheese (it was awesome). Then I am shuttled upstairs to sit at another bar to eat. While there, I start chatting with an old oil tycoon and his cohorts and the barmaid and bartender. I went all out...got an expensive glass of wine, lobster creamed corn, and a $100 Kobe beef steak! After chatting with the oil tycoon...he offered to pick up my bill! So I didn't pay for my extravagant meal! So after he had left, I was chatting with the bartenders and decided to get another glass of wine and creme brulee. The bartender picked that tab up for me! I did not pay for my meal at all. It made it taste even better haha.
After dinner, the male bartender suggested I go to a "cocktail bar" around the corner and that he would meet me there when he finished up. Sure enough, he shows up, knows all the bartenders and paid for my drinks. He took me to another bar after that then walked me to my hotel.
He stayed the night...nothing crazy happened. Just wanted to tell you about my meal.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Self-tanner
While I was living on the UES with roommates, I was good friends with my younger male cousin. We hung out frequently and obviously, I would hang with his friends. One of his friends was a co-worker who was really funny and fun to be around. We had kissed before. One night I decided he should sleepover since he lived in Staten Island but worked in the city with my cuz. We got to making out, etc. I went to grab lotion which I keep in my bedside table for some lubrication (I was really into titty f-ing and hand jobs back then to avoid penetration). We woke up the next morning, he went to work, I went back to bed. I wake up a bit later to find my hands and chest TANNED.
I later find out he had a GF. He was half black half white...so I wonder if she ever noticed...
I later find out he had a GF. He was half black half white...so I wonder if she ever noticed...
Friday, January 27, 2012
Match.com
So, I joined another website. I've been on OKCupid and EHarmony (OKC and EHarm for short). I had minor success on OKC as I had a boyfriend for a couple months (the longest relationship I've ever had was 3 months and it was in grade school). EHarm was just like it sounds...I did EHarm to people. I dated a couple guys from EHarm who were harmless. The one who stuck actually called me his girlfriend while we were out but, uh, I wasn't diggin it. Anyway, back to match...
I've been lucky with the online dating world until Match.com. I have met 2 creeps on that site and am afraid the disease might be catching on. The guys I have emailed, have of course, not emailed me back...and they were cuties. The ones who emailed me, I've taken up on the dates but they were weird.
Dude 1: Has lived in NYC 6 years now but grew up in Isreal. I called him an Is Re Al E instead of Is Rail E when I was first describing him to friends (thanks for the correction friend). He is 41, about to buy an apartment, blah blah. So since he was considered foreign, I thought his emails were passable. He would email me things like, "you are too beautiful...I want to watch you watching the snow fall" (in fair away land accent). I took it as, "Aw, he is a romantic foreigner." So I go on this date...
We meet at this coffee place I love but he was so distraught with the fact that it had no seats in it to watch me watch the snow that he took me in his arms (just met) and hugs me while saying, "you're kidding right?!" about a million times in my virgin ears. Ok, so that was a little strange, but again, he is foreign, give him another chance to make it weird.
We walk down the block to a restaurant...o man...forgot to mention...this date is occurring before 10am on a Saturday...
So we walk in, sit down at a table, he pulls out the chair next to him to sit...I say, "Um let's not take up 2 tables." and he says, "But I wanted to watch you watch the snow". So he WAS serious. Hahaha.
Anyway we start chatting and eating. He uses sarcasm in a way that was borderline cruel. Chews with mouth open. Talks with mouth open. I'm starting to be annoyed. He seems nice enough but during the exchange I hint that I'm very busy today and need to go home after brunch. He asks what I am doing and I say, "the gym". He says, "You go to gym all afternoon?" (accent). I say "On the weekends." He starts getting uncomfortable and sad so I said, I could still hang a little longer. So we make plans to go get coffee somewhere since we still haven't had any because the place we were at did not have half and half (he only drinks coffee with it). He pays the bill thankfully and we walk down the stree where he takes my hand. We get to the place and he insists I sit next to him. We start chatting, he holds my hand, asks why it is so sweaty and puts it on his thigh. He pulls my hair from my face, hugs me....it was too much...hahaha. Done.
Dude 2: Seemed nice enough...30yo male, cute, but mentioned he only wanted to "keep it casual" which I took to mean, go on dates but nothing serious. He meant, go home with you after date, casual. I did not realize his definition until we are both at the bar I picked out with half priced bottles of wine. We get one. He starts gulping his down, reaches across the table, and proceeds to rub my back. Are you imagining this now? He is reaching that far across the table to rub my back after meeting him mere (?) seconds ago. Hold up. I ask him what's his intention as he gulps more wine and begins to refill both our glasses before they even reach half full (never half empty girls), and he says he intended to sleep with me tonight. Before all this we were chatting about non-meaningful things. Once I say that's not gonna happen, instead of leaving, he proceeds to tell me about his ex and how he is still in love with her and asking for my advice which I gladly give. So I think, ok maybe this guy isn't so creepy after all if he still wants to stay and talk and stop rubbing my back. But then he wants me to break the hoe code and intro him to my friends. Sorry dude...you aren't going to take out your sexual frustrations on my awesome, relationship worthy, girls.
So far, that has been the extent of my experience with match...not so good. Glad I only signed up for a month!
I've been lucky with the online dating world until Match.com. I have met 2 creeps on that site and am afraid the disease might be catching on. The guys I have emailed, have of course, not emailed me back...and they were cuties. The ones who emailed me, I've taken up on the dates but they were weird.
Dude 1: Has lived in NYC 6 years now but grew up in Isreal. I called him an Is Re Al E instead of Is Rail E when I was first describing him to friends (thanks for the correction friend). He is 41, about to buy an apartment, blah blah. So since he was considered foreign, I thought his emails were passable. He would email me things like, "you are too beautiful...I want to watch you watching the snow fall" (in fair away land accent). I took it as, "Aw, he is a romantic foreigner." So I go on this date...
We meet at this coffee place I love but he was so distraught with the fact that it had no seats in it to watch me watch the snow that he took me in his arms (just met) and hugs me while saying, "you're kidding right?!" about a million times in my virgin ears. Ok, so that was a little strange, but again, he is foreign, give him another chance to make it weird.
We walk down the block to a restaurant...o man...forgot to mention...this date is occurring before 10am on a Saturday...
So we walk in, sit down at a table, he pulls out the chair next to him to sit...I say, "Um let's not take up 2 tables." and he says, "But I wanted to watch you watch the snow". So he WAS serious. Hahaha.
Anyway we start chatting and eating. He uses sarcasm in a way that was borderline cruel. Chews with mouth open. Talks with mouth open. I'm starting to be annoyed. He seems nice enough but during the exchange I hint that I'm very busy today and need to go home after brunch. He asks what I am doing and I say, "the gym". He says, "You go to gym all afternoon?" (accent). I say "On the weekends." He starts getting uncomfortable and sad so I said, I could still hang a little longer. So we make plans to go get coffee somewhere since we still haven't had any because the place we were at did not have half and half (he only drinks coffee with it). He pays the bill thankfully and we walk down the stree where he takes my hand. We get to the place and he insists I sit next to him. We start chatting, he holds my hand, asks why it is so sweaty and puts it on his thigh. He pulls my hair from my face, hugs me....it was too much...hahaha. Done.
Dude 2: Seemed nice enough...30yo male, cute, but mentioned he only wanted to "keep it casual" which I took to mean, go on dates but nothing serious. He meant, go home with you after date, casual. I did not realize his definition until we are both at the bar I picked out with half priced bottles of wine. We get one. He starts gulping his down, reaches across the table, and proceeds to rub my back. Are you imagining this now? He is reaching that far across the table to rub my back after meeting him mere (?) seconds ago. Hold up. I ask him what's his intention as he gulps more wine and begins to refill both our glasses before they even reach half full (never half empty girls), and he says he intended to sleep with me tonight. Before all this we were chatting about non-meaningful things. Once I say that's not gonna happen, instead of leaving, he proceeds to tell me about his ex and how he is still in love with her and asking for my advice which I gladly give. So I think, ok maybe this guy isn't so creepy after all if he still wants to stay and talk and stop rubbing my back. But then he wants me to break the hoe code and intro him to my friends. Sorry dude...you aren't going to take out your sexual frustrations on my awesome, relationship worthy, girls.
So far, that has been the extent of my experience with match...not so good. Glad I only signed up for a month!
The story no one will EVER forget.
A couple years ago, I was dating a fireman who lived in Brooklyn. It was uber casual. It was the typical "call each other when we are drunk and hook-up" type of relationship which defined my college years. So we were off and on for about 2 years when I suddenly realized, "hey...this ain't no way to get a boyfriend", so I decided to end things one drunken night for good.
We had met up one night in May 2009(?) and had a drink or two together at a bar in my hood. While inside and to the dismay of the patrons, I began to berate him about how he has been treating me, blah, blah, blah..."you don't really like me", "who else are you dating"...you know the drill. We move outside where he proceeds to cry as I am making him feel so bad that he is dating a younger girl and not me and that he does like me (wah.). At this point, things start to go blank but I do remember inviting him up for one last night together.
so...
I come to, outside my apartment (in the hallway) in nothing but a pair of boxers.
Background: I live in an old apartment building where my toilet is in the hallway, meaning I have to physically leave my apartment with keys to my own toilet to lock and unlock it every time I have to use the bathroom, then to get back into my apartment, I have to have the keys to unlock it again because it locks automatically upon shutting.
Yes, ladies, this means I am topless in my hallway WITHOUT my keys. Clearly I had left to go to the bathroom in my blacked out stupor but neglected to bring keys with me. So naturally I take a number one on my neighbor's welcome mat and start banging on the door to wake fireman up to let me back inside. He does not wake. It is about 4 or 5am given my estimation. So I do the most logical thing at the time and run down to the lobby area, grab a neighbor's sephora delivery, open it up to try to use something in there to jimmy my way into my apartment. Tubes of lotion did not help. (This past week, my friend was visiting me from Philly, and was able to get into my apartment with a piece of trash from the street! How did I not figure it out!?). Luckily in the box there was also tissue paper which I reluctantly wrapped around my bosums and ran across the street to the cafe with a locksmith card in hand (they leave them everywhere outside my building...go figure). The nice waiters there gave me their coat to put on which I had at first refused, "I'm fine!", but then put on since there were customers inside haha. So I called the locksmith, waited outside my building in my borrowed coat and boxers, get let in, pay the dude 300 buckeroos, hop in the shower, and the fireman comes strolling out of my bedroom...
Never saw him again hahaha! But he did offer to pay the locksmith. He does not know this full story...
We had met up one night in May 2009(?) and had a drink or two together at a bar in my hood. While inside and to the dismay of the patrons, I began to berate him about how he has been treating me, blah, blah, blah..."you don't really like me", "who else are you dating"...you know the drill. We move outside where he proceeds to cry as I am making him feel so bad that he is dating a younger girl and not me and that he does like me (wah.). At this point, things start to go blank but I do remember inviting him up for one last night together.
so...
I come to, outside my apartment (in the hallway) in nothing but a pair of boxers.
Background: I live in an old apartment building where my toilet is in the hallway, meaning I have to physically leave my apartment with keys to my own toilet to lock and unlock it every time I have to use the bathroom, then to get back into my apartment, I have to have the keys to unlock it again because it locks automatically upon shutting.
Yes, ladies, this means I am topless in my hallway WITHOUT my keys. Clearly I had left to go to the bathroom in my blacked out stupor but neglected to bring keys with me. So naturally I take a number one on my neighbor's welcome mat and start banging on the door to wake fireman up to let me back inside. He does not wake. It is about 4 or 5am given my estimation. So I do the most logical thing at the time and run down to the lobby area, grab a neighbor's sephora delivery, open it up to try to use something in there to jimmy my way into my apartment. Tubes of lotion did not help. (This past week, my friend was visiting me from Philly, and was able to get into my apartment with a piece of trash from the street! How did I not figure it out!?). Luckily in the box there was also tissue paper which I reluctantly wrapped around my bosums and ran across the street to the cafe with a locksmith card in hand (they leave them everywhere outside my building...go figure). The nice waiters there gave me their coat to put on which I had at first refused, "I'm fine!", but then put on since there were customers inside haha. So I called the locksmith, waited outside my building in my borrowed coat and boxers, get let in, pay the dude 300 buckeroos, hop in the shower, and the fireman comes strolling out of my bedroom...
Never saw him again hahaha! But he did offer to pay the locksmith. He does not know this full story...
Why post embarrassing and true stories? To make you feel better about your life.
Since I began college in 2002, I have had some amazing and not so amazing experiences with men and the world of dating in general. I had started to "write a book" when I was in college but sadly my compaq died within the past year (yea it lived to be 9) and my ex-boyfriend took the hard drive to "fix it" and instead ended up "misplacing it".
Many friends of mine, and sistas, have told me how ridiculous my stories are and that they should all be gathered in one spot to honor my lifelong ability to remain single and slightly insane. I would like to start this blog for the benefit of all who have ever "been there", had the "day after drinking depression (the DADDS)", and/or think they have done something so low there is no way to redeem themselves. Cheers.
Many friends of mine, and sistas, have told me how ridiculous my stories are and that they should all be gathered in one spot to honor my lifelong ability to remain single and slightly insane. I would like to start this blog for the benefit of all who have ever "been there", had the "day after drinking depression (the DADDS)", and/or think they have done something so low there is no way to redeem themselves. Cheers.
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